CinemaSins: Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time XII
by Alex Popp
Summary: How did a slight improvement over Invasion of the Tinysauruses get a way higher sin count? Oh, all that CGI! Tuesday: The one that pissed off die hard fans!


Everything Wrong with The Land Before Time XII: The Great Day of the Flyers

in a Great Deal of Minutes

Spoilers!

(duh)

**Even after the word Universal rotates back behind the earth, the earth itself is still technically part of the logo, so...52 seconds of god damn logos! (ding)**

**Also, movie rips off the zooming into the earth after Universal logo thing from Waterworld. (ding)**

Narrator: Our world has been in existence for billions of years.

**Skip! (ding)**

**What's up with those waves? They look like blue stalagmites just moving up and down out of the water. (ding)**

**That egg is as big as Cera. (ding)**

Cera: I said, I'm going to go find my friends.

Tria: Do you think it's cold?

**Look, I know parents might get more wrapped up in a newborn than in their older child, but you're just going to ignore Cera altogether? That's some sin right there. (ding)**

Cera: I'm heading out to the Mysterious Beyond to see if I can get eaten by a sharptooth.

Cera's dad: Okay. Don't be late.

**Oh NOW you decide to respond to her so we can have that gag. (ding)**

**Petrie's whole family has the tendency of instantly forgetting they can fly when the slightest surprise occurs while airborne. (ding)**

**Petrie's mom is shadowy in this shot while nothing else is. (ding)**

**Woah, Littlefoot and Grandpa are levitating. We see the ground move slightly underneath them as the shot pans down. (ding)**

Grandpa: The Day of the Flyers is a chance for young ones to show their elders that they have learned how to fly with the herd.

**So Petrie and his siblings flying in a particular formation shows that they know how to fly with the herd? It seems more logical for all the pteranodons to take a vacation and see if none of the hatchlings wander away on the way there and back. (ding)**

**Also, why do they need to fly with the herd if they don't go on vacation? They all live and stay in the Great Valley, right? (ding)**

Petrie's sibling #1: You flap your wings at the wrong time!

**What? Isn't that a must for the entire time you're in the air? (ding)**

Petrie's sibling #2: You go up when we go down, you go down when we go up.

All of Petrie's siblings: You're hopeless!

**Petrie's siblings obviously discussed what they would say to Petrie so that they knew when to top off their scolding with all of them leaning in and saying "You're hopeless." (ding)**

Tria: You're a restless sleeper.

**What!? (ding)**

Petrie: Yeah, they say me no know how to fly.

**Is Petrie so gullible that he actually believes them when they say that, when he flies on a regular basis? (ding)**

Petrie: Me good alone. Not so good with family.

Cera: Join the club. Huh?

(Littlefoot, Spike, Ducky and Petrie stare at her with their eyes wide open)

**Cera's response matches that of the audience. I'd be wondering about what she just said, but it's nothing to be stunned silent by. (ding)**

Petrie: Me can do anything. Me can do anything. Me can do anything!

**Petrie learned from Cera's dad to repeat things twice. Well, either from him, or my annoying GPS. (ding)**

**It takes 40 seconds for something that the characters think might be ominous, but we the audience know isn't, to f*cking appear. (ding)**

Cera's dad: Alright, who's making all the racket. (makes a strange "ah" noise)

**Well, it's safe for Petrie to fly now. Cera's dad just broke wind. (ding)**

Cera's dad: Just what we need: another weirdo.

**Wait, who's the other weirdo? Is he referring to himself? (ding)**

Grandpa: (his mouth not moving) I just wish Grandma had been here to see it.

**Grandpa is the third character in the franchise who seems to be able to speak telepathically. (ding)**

Guido: They call me Guido.

Petrie: Who does?

Guido: I'm not sure.

**Then how the f*ck did you know you were named that to begin with? (ding)**

Guido: I'm the only one like me I've ever seen. (spreads his wings)

(everyone gasps)

**They weren't gasping at what he said. They scream at speech given from a character they didn't know was present, and thus they gasp when a goofy character spreads his wings out like Dracula. (ding)**

Guido: _It can be lonely when you're one of a kind/You think if only you had brothers around/who feel like you do_

**Well, if you had brothers, you wouldn't be one of a kind anymore, so why would they feel exactly like you do right now? (ding)**

Littlefoot: _How about four of a?_

**Littlefoot sounds like a boy for once. (ding)**

Littlefoot: I was just thinking, your neck looks kind of long, like mine. And your face is sort of sharp like Petrie's.

**Actually, his neck is about as long as Petrie's. (ding)**

Grandpa: Well, there's a reason we have such long necks. It's because we like to eat the tenderest, newest tree stars.

**Really? Well, so much for this bulls*it:**

(from The Great Longneck Migration)

Pat: That's the reason to this very day that we have such long necks. So we can put the great circle back up into the sky.

**If you're trying to make me forget about the logic of The Great Longneck Migration's climax, you're not. (ding)**

Guido: What is a bopper?

(Kosh smacks Guido with the club at the end of his tail)

**Considering the damage a blow from an ankylosaurus's club can do to a carnivorous dinosaur, that would have killed Guido, or at least broken every bone in his body. (ding)**

**Also, what a dick. (ding)**

Kosh: That's a bopper.

Littlefoot: Uh, thanks anyway, Mr. Clubtail.

**The f*ck? His club is referred to as a bopper, but he's still called Mr. Clubtail? I know something like Mr. Boppertail would just make people giggle, but it still makes more sense. (ding)**

(Littlefoot, Cera and Spike are seen napping in midday)

**Their curfew just gets earlier as they get older. (ding)**

Petrie's sibling: Sky puffie ahead! We're going through!

**Is there a law that says you have to fly through clouds if there's one directly ahead of you? There are adult flyers who need to see what you're doing, so why not just avoid the clouds altogether? (ding)**

(a parasaurolophus notices Petrie's siblings falling from the sky)

Parasaurolophus: Strange weather we're having today.

**And in just one small area. Seriously though, tell me you were only making a smart aleck remark. (ding)**

Guido: Oh, I get it. You figure if I'm living with your family, maybe the two of us can not fit in together.

Petrie: Well, yeah.

**I would have removed every sin thus far if after this conversation, they broke into "We're a Couple of Misfits" from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. (ding)**

Littlefoot: Tria's egg is about to hatch.

Guido: Wow, let's go!

**Does Guido even know who Tria is? (ding)**

(after Tricia hatches)

Cera's dad: What a brave girl.

Cera: Don't mind me.

**Come on, Cera. A new member of the family just hatched. Ah, f*ck it. Why am I wasting words when all I need to say is, once again, Cera is still a brat. (ding)**

Multiple siblings: Yeah, you messed up again, Petrie. Yeah! Yeah, like you always do. Yeah! What's your problem, Petrie? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

**Yeah, yeah, yeah. Move along already. (ding)**

Guido: Your rear ends look just like your faces, so how can he tell which way to go?

**That's definitely racist. (ding)**

Cera: Yes, Tria?

Tria: Could you watch Tricia for me. Just for a bit. I won't be long.

**I'll just be doing stuff. You know, so we can have more of these ignored older child scenes. (ding)**

Cera's dad: Well, let's face it. She's the best hatchling that ever was. Yep, she's just like her dad.

**If she's just like her dad, then I'm doubting she's the best hatchling out there. (ding)**

**Earthquake in a Land Before Time movie clich...wait, what? It's only Cera? That sure explains why everything around was shaking. Not. (ding)**

(Cera crushes a bush and flattens it with Ducky underneath)

**Also, Cera is a dick to things. (ding)**

**Cera's eyes are turning blue here. (ding)**

**Butterfly coming out of its cocoon symbolizes change cliche. (ding)**

Guido: So, just keep telling yourself, "I fly along with all the rest. I'm going to pass my flying test." Go ahead, say it.

Petrie: Me fly along with all the rest. Me going to pass the flying test. Like that?

Guido: Uh, yeah, close enough.

**Guido just now notices Petrie's grammar issues. (ding)**

**Well, Petrie just failed his flying test. He landed much later than all the others. I mean, so much for keeping in formation the entire flight. (ding)**

**Guido invents aircraft marshalling. (ding)**

**Littlefoot and his friends are the only ones to awake to the sound of Petrie trying to wake up Guido, because...plot. (ding)**

Ducky: Spike, lo...

(Guido steps on her head)

Ducky: Ow!

**And nobody wakes up to this! (ding)**

Ducky: My antie sleepswims, and my momma says do not ever never wake her up while she is doing it.

Littlefoot: Why not?

Ducky: That I do not know.

**There is a reason for it; it could send them into shock. I'm sure Ducky would have been curious when her mother told her to never do it. (ding)**

**The moon is now the size that it was in E.T., unlike earlier this very evening. (ding)**

(Littlefoot, Ducky, Cera, and Spike stand in the river so they can use their heads as stepping stones)

(Guido begins to walk toward another area of the river a little ways upstream)

**Littlefoot, Cera, Spike, and Ducky don't bother moving back to the area of the river where Guido is headed. (ding)**

**Guido is totally trolling them. He coincidentally turns right before he can fall into the river, AND left where Littlefoot, Cera, Ducky and Spike are sitting. (ding)**

(the gang let Guido walk on them so they can turn him away from the lava)

**Spike sends Guido walking down the lava river toward the Mysterious Beyond, instead of back the way they came. (ding)**

(Guido is walking toward a gorge)

Littlefoot: We've got to hurry!

**Why don't you just let him walk over you while turning him around like you did before. You know, ONE MINUTE AGO! (ding)**

(Guido kicks a rock down the hill, and we see it fall into the gorge and into the river below)

**Only a rock falling into the gorge will show audiences the peril of the situation. (ding)**

**Guido is only about ten steps away in an earlier shot and yet it takes him over one minute to reach the edge. (ding)**

**The log lands conveniently in just the right position over the gorge AND just where Guido is walking. (ding)**

**Spike stands on the thinnest part of that branch, and it doesn't break. (ding)**

(Littlefoot runs up the side of the log as it starts to fall)

**We interrupt this prehistoric kids movie to bring you a scene from the Furious 7 trailer. (ding)**

Cera: We didn't have to do that whole tree thing after all.

**You're damn right Cera. I refer you to the 56th sin. (ding)**

(the spinosaurus catches Guido in its mouth, and proceeds to walk forward without swallowing him)

**Ah, I see the spinosaurus has the same habit as the crocodile in The Great Longneck Migration to suck all the taste out of its prey before actually swallowing it. (ding)**

(Guido disturbs the spinosaurus by rubbing one of his feathers against the roof of its mouth)

**Guido barely knows anything about himself. How did he know that this would work? (ding)**

(Petrie carries Guido)

Petrie: You sure heavy for a little guy.

**Uh, hello. He's bigger than you, Petrie! (ding)**

(the rest of the gang sees the spinosaurus chasing Guido and Petrie)

Ducky: What is that thing?

**What do you think? It's a f*cking sharptooth! (ding)**

Ducky: What is that thing?

Cera: I don't know, but it's not friendly.

**I don't know what it is, but it's not friendly cliche. (ding)**

(the spinosaurus gets its sail "stuck" in two rocks leaning against each other)

**Uh, no, he's not stuck. In fact, every part of him is obviously loose in there. Just walk backwards. (ding)**

**Some of Petrie's siblings are sleeping while sitting upright and are not against anything. (ding)**

Guido: And I still don't even understand how I got there.

The Gang of Five: You can fly!

**Oh, and you sleepwalked over there. (ding)**

Petrie's mom: Well, you're just going to have to fly without him.

**Yeah, don't be worried about where your own son is this early in the morning. (ding)**

**You want old guest characters brought back? Well, there's your one second of Mo. (ding)**

**And one second of the tiny longnecks. (ding)**

**I mostly haven't been bothered by these movies becoming brighter and more light-hearted, but this whole musical number is kind of pushing it. (ding)**

(Petrie and his siblings fly toward the center of the screen with other dinosaurs and objects around them forming a line of symmetry)

**The ghost of Stanley Kubrick took over directing. (ding)**

(Tricia is trapped in the river)

Guido: Can I really fly? Oh well. One way to find out!

**It would make more sense to not worry about that until a time where you won't risk putting yourself in danger. (ding)**

**Of course! There's always a waterfall! (ding)**

(the flyers drop Tricia, who lands on Cera's face)

**That still could not have been a comfortable landing. (ding)**

Tricia: Cera.

(Cera gasps)

**The baby's first word is the name of the once jealous older kid cliche. (ding)**

**Movie Sin Tally: 79**

**Bonus Round**

**OKAY. SCREAMS...I GUESS**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+1**

**+1**

**Movie Sin Tally: 85**

**Bonus Round**

**3, 2, 1...**

**CGI!**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+3**

**+3**

**+3**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+10**

**+10**

**+10**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**x2**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+2**

**+3**

**+3**

**+3**

**+3**

**+3**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+5**

**+10**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**x3**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+2**

**+3**

**+3**

**+3**

**+5**

**+5**

**+10**

**+10**

**+10**

**+10**

**+10**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+20**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**+50**

**x5**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+1**

**+2**

**+3**

**Movie Sin Tally: 19,830**

**Sentence: ALL TASTE SUCKED OUT**


End file.
